Have you ever heard your teenager come home from school, headphones so loud you can hear the thump of the beat? His face cloaked with that sullen, dazed look of teenage angst?

Ever wished you could relate to the ward young women more effectively?

Ever wanted to get your kids to listen to you instead of saying, ‘Awww, Dad…”

Well, now you can! I will give you some helpful tips from a Music Insider that will raise your personal level of coolness in your kid’s eyes, and get their attention at the same time. You may even be able to create a new family hobby where you can filter out the bad stuff, share musical tastes and expand each other’s appreciation for new kinds of music. (And, at the least, this will make a good family night!) OutKast and Evanescence are pop groups. Remember, knowledge is power! It is always better to be informed than ignorant on any potentially controversial subject.

The principle at work here is best illustrated by a couple of life experience examples: Paraguay is a country originally inhabited by the Guarani Indians who were then conquered by the Spanish. As a missionary there, speaking Spanish was the accepted norm, but knowing even a few words of the Guarani language would get a local’s attention much faster. It indicated that the foreigner had cared enough to get deeper into the culture. A mere greeting in Guarani could get you in the door, especially in the rural areas.

While serving in a BYU bishopric with a ward of 150 freshmen, I would often ask new students who their favorite musical groups or artists were. First of all, bishoprics never ask those kinds of questions, and they would be amazed that I knew anything about it. It created a great place to start a connection, and you can tell a lot about someone by the kind of music they relate to, or with which they personally identify.

Showing forth the interest and effort to understand a strong piece of a teenager’s world results in better communication and camaraderie. It works far better than blanket condemnations of “the music kids these days listen to.”

So, let’s get started! Say you’re a fairly competent e-mailer and occasional internet surfer. You may even use the computer to type up talks or Relief Society lessons. If you don’t qualify for any of the above descriptions, you probably have a teenager who does, or you wouldn’t be reading this article!

The internet has provided a far better way to screen music than merely going to a music store and buying a CD with only a vague idea of what’s on it. Gone are the days of watching for the “Explicit Lyrics” warning labels on questionable CD’s in the music bins. Anything with a label like that should be avoided anyway.

Here are some excellent steps to take:

1. Get familiar with what kids are listening to by looking on the Billboard charts. (www.billboard.com) Billboard charts are based on reported sales figures, and you can view the main charts without charge. Look down the top 100 album list and see what names look familiar. The top 100 chart shows albums from all genres, and chances are some of your favorites will be on the list as well. See if you recognize some of the names of the groups your kids like. Better yet, do this WITH your kids. The spread of musical styles runs the entire gamut, from the most corrupt to the most uplifting. Be aware of this as you navigate the minefield where wheat and tares grow together.

2. Once you have done a little homework on the charts, take a few of the names they mentioned, or that you might like, and go to one of the legitimate downloadable music sites. Here are some of the top ones:

www.itunes.com
www.buymusic.com
www.napster.com (now legal)

You may want to set up an account with one of them at this point, or simply browse the sample recordings as they allow. If you set up an account, it will cost nothing, but make sure you type in the credit card number and don’t let the kids have the password. This will make you the gatekeeper. (Send the kids up to their rooms to get the “Strength of Youth” pamphlet published by the Church while you do this.)

3. Choose stuff together, finding music you like as well as them. Songs can be individually purchased for less than a dollar each, but do it only after you have previewed them. There is an amazing library of material-vast amounts of music in every style you can imagine. Just browsing the categories alone will broaden your horizons. While you choose music, use the “Strength of Youth” guidelines as a benchmark, but be aware that personal interpretations may vary, and be willing to be a little open-minded.

4. Download the songs you like and burn them on a CD,- WITH ALL THE SONGS TOGETHER ON ONE CD,- (if there aren’t too many). Then when you all listen to them, they will be hearing yours, and you will hear theirs, and you may even start liking each other’s music! Get Pop, Classical, Kid’s music, Show tunes, Christian, LDS, and stuff from all genres. Explore good alternatives together. It can be lots of fun! Put them in your car and listen when you do errands. Even if you can’t burn CD’s on your computer, going through the steps above will be beneficial.

Now you will be able to talk in terms of artists and songs with teenagers, thus significantly raising your level of coolness and influence in their lives.